I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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