'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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