We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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