had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
we're making bets on your personal life
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
