so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
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