he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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