There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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