So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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