i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
