You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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