She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
