everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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