I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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