well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
