We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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