the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
