my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
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