when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
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