Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
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