Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
