im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
