I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
