mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
