Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
