Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I think I sprained my soul last night
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
