He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
You're a waste of cheezeits
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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