dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
