i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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