she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
