soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
