he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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