ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
