My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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