I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
