Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
