going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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