i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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