If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
this is an emotional support booty call
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
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