Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My penis needs a shock collar
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
