I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
