i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
