apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
