Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
