And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
