dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
