tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
