I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
