Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
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