Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Fuck me I smell like cheese
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
