Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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