Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
my being single is dangerous.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
