I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
