Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Randomize
